We Weren't Lion

We mentioned awhile back that MGM's Studio 54 was closing for a massive overhaul and may not even be Studio 54 once it re-opens. We wondered what they could do with the rather cramped space so that it could compete with the super clubs around town.

Now we know.

The nearby MGM Lion Habitat is closing down (leaving lions on the street corner holding signs "Will Roar and Sleep and Piss for Food") so the new club will, most likely, take advantage of not only that 6,000 sq. foot space but the probably the 3,000 sq. feet of connected retail space.

Now we're talking! That'll give the largest resort in town a club more worthy of the "grand" moniker.

Note: The lions won't be unemployed for long as they will be moved to the trainer's property--7.5 acres southeast of the M Resort--and he'll be opening up a petting zoo or an animal rendering plant or some such thing. Read the link above for the specific details of what becomes of the cats.

You Can Run But You Can't Hyde

We used to hit the Bellagio's Fontana Lounge every blue moon or so when we got a hankering to dance nice and slow (well, she dances nice, I just dance slow) as it was one of the few places in town where romantic dance music was still played. We knew it couldn't last but enjoyed it while we could.

So the Fontana closed down and the replacement club is something called Hyde Bellagio Lounge. The lounge/nightclub/ultralounge will make better use of the view of the Bellagio fountains but will be small by mega-club standards as it will only hold about 700 partiers in the 10,000 sq. foot space. Hyde Lounge is brought to you by entrepreneur Sam Nazarian who is successful in the Los Angeles hotel, restaurant and nightlife scene. He's also the one that bought the Sahara Hotel and promptly closed it down, disappointing millions of rats and cockroaches.

Hyde Bellagio Lounge opens to the public on Sunday, Jan 1st, after a private party christens the club on New Year's Eve.

Swingers have long wanted some sort of universal sign or signal or indication which tells you that the couple you met at the gym or the airport or at the nightclub are in The Lifestyle. Sure they seem to be sending out signals that hint at an inclination to swing but is that just innocent playfulness or subconscious wishful thinking or maybe it's just the alcohol talking. It's always embarrassing to show your hand and then have the other couple run off as if you were a mass murderer or a tax collector or something as equally scary.

Most every swingers website has tried to use their own individual site logo in the form of jewelry or luggage tags or temporary tattoos where members can announce that they fool around sexually with other like-minded adults but we haven't seen any that have caught on.

Of course, if you want to be more blatant about it you could spell it out in no uncertain terms like the announcements below:

Even those who aren't in "the club" would know which can lead to problems

Or, you could be a bit more specific with the jewelry below

While everyone will know what "slut" is (although, unlike swingers, vanillas will think it a bad term), most won't know that she's looking for Big Black Cock or leads a cuckold marriage.

The closest we've found to a universal icon that one is a swinger without being extremely blatant would be the ol' gal-on-the-swing look like the necklace below...

Would dear old mom be able to figure this out? Probably. Then again, she could be a swinger, too--ya never know.

Another problem is being able to figure out if your neighbors are swingers. Wouldn't that be helpful? Hey, they look pretty good when they wash the car or even when they take out the trash. Hmmm...I wonder if they are in The Lifestyle?

A U.K. television personality named Mariella Frostup (picture, upper right) put some pampas grass on the balcony of her house and claims--perhaps jokingly--that she's been inundated by visits from potential play partners. On the other hand, we think she's laughing it off because she got caught. Our guess is she's actually a swinger.

In bed with a shoot of pampas grass in Mariella's mouth? Soooo vedy British, wouldn't you say?

Note: Wikipedia actually has a reference to pampas grass and swinging: A widespread urban myth is that pampas grass is used by swingers to advertise their presence to other swingers in the area. The most commonly repeated version states that in the UK and Ireland a patch of pampas grass is planted somewhere in the front garden to act as a signal to passersby that swingers live in the home.

Hmmm... So now we're wondering if we should buy that pampas grass or not. Let us know if it works for you.

We're pretty sure that if you display pampas grass in the manner below at a house party most party-goers would get the picture that you might just be a swinger...

The M Resort was voted the Strip's "Best Cocktail Waitresses" so has put out a calendar to show off some of the girls.

While we wouldn't call the M Resort a Strip property, we have seen some excellent examples of sexy womanhood holding cocktail trays at the resort (see examples below, to the left and via that link above).

An M Resort Calendar Girl

We are trying to get all the girls together for a photo and orgy session at LowLife corporate headquarters so we'll let you know when that happens...

They hop around more than George Clooney does with women!

The Fetish & Fantasy Halloween Ball is moving back to the Hard Rock Hotel for 2012 after signing a 2-year deal that will keep them at the resort through the 2013 event, at least. The F&F Ball has moved from venue to venue all across the valley, from North Las Vegas (Silver Nugget) to far south Las Vegas (M Resort, where it was this year) and a multitude of locations in between.

With the Hard Rock really hurting financially, we would bet the F&F peeps were able to sign a favorable contract this time around as they always guarantee a large following of partying crazies. The Ball was at the Hard Rock two years ago but moved on down I-15 last year.

In celebration of the occasion (well, they actually do this every year but that's ok), Fetish & Fantasy is offering a Super Early Bird Holiday Discount Pricing between now and January 19th. Click here if you want to commit to the event now.

As the countdown on their site says, only 310 days (as of this writing) until the largest Halloween celebration in Las Vegas so you had better hurry!

(I've got a bunch of this and that and whatnots piling up so rather than do something fancy I'm just going to throw stuff up against the wall and see if any of it sticks...)

Airport Connector
We came back in town Sunday evening after a mini-vacation and took the airport connector to get to 215. I would say BIG MISTAKE! here but since the LowLife offices are directly off of west 215 we really didn't have a choice. But you might.

We didn't know that traffic was reduced to one lane even through the tunnel and that three lanes would feed into it, causing all sorts of backup and people trying to cheat their way further up the line. It sucks when you are anxious to get back to the LowLife Ranch and kick your boots off--especially after a weekend of little sleep and lots of refreshments--but, instead, you have to sit in 5 mph traffic. We made it after awhile but we thought we'd pass on the word to y'all...

Here's an article that explains what the heck is going on. If you can avoid it, we'd recommend it. (Note: It's only in the evenings so that helps)

...at least she's 17 now.

We ran a highly controversial Know It A.L.L. back in June--some people actually tried to get us kicked of Twitter for running a promo on our 16-year-old Courtney Stodden Hutcinson pictorial--about how an old fart (51 years old) was marrying a youngster in Las Vegas. The gist of the posting was wondering what our lifestyle buds would do if they came in contact with the couple at a swing party and suddenly found out she was 16 (when she looks incredibly freakin' hot--see THIS POST).

But, now that she's 17 none of us have to worry about it should we run into that situation. Although we may have to worry about the mental make-up of the pair...

A few days ago the loving couple was captured casually "strolling" along the sidewalk in front of their home. She wore a leopard print fur coat and high heels. When she saw the camera she opened up the coat to reveal her walking attire, below.

Hey, they copied us! This is how the missus sashays around Southwest Las Vegas neighborhood streets.

Read this article for some more insight on the pair. Hopefully we'll get to play with them before the "train wreck" happens that most are predicting...

MORE! MORE! MORE!
She has more than one red bikini, it would seem...

The pair did a video where Courtney was the bad girl on husband Santa's lap and felt she should be spanked. Below is a still shot from the video.

To check out the enitre video, see THIS LINK.

I know I've set the bar high but it's probably best not to try and somehow get a penis as large as mine (click on photo, right, for an enlarged view of my burden). Or even just a few silly millimeters longer/wider than what you are packing right now. There really isn't much you can do about it so don't let penis envy drive you to taking absurd risks. Especially if the so-called medical practitioner looks something like this:

She looks board certified to me...

Earlier this year, the lady pictured above, was passing out business cards at bars and convenience stores (in New Jersey, fortunately) advertising her "beauty services". She promised low-cost silicone enhancement right out of her home. Her target market was usually women (although transgenders are often inclined purchase this type of cut-rate body modification assistance) but this time a 22-year-old male responded. He wanted a bigger penis.

Besides me, there are very few of y'all that wouldn't mind a couple of inches more on your love gun. Since lifestylers use their tools so often with a variety of women (in theory) and since there are often other naked--and engorged--males around with which to compare sizes, a couple of inches more might very well make one the cock o' the walk.

However, I'm pretty sure if there were a fool-proof way to do this we here at Swing Central would have heard about it. We keep our ears open to tidbits like that. Unfortunately, we haven't. But we've certainly heard that injecting silicone directly into your wanker--as the swollen-lipped lady above did--is probably not the best idea.

The day after receiving the injection, the injectee may have had slightly more girth in his tool but, unfortunately, he wasn't around to enjoy it as he died of a silicone embolism (the silicone spread through his body and shut down his organs) and our lovely back-alley doctor is facing a lengthy jail sentence.

(American LowLife occasionally pays for the services of noted Las Vegas gossip columnist Bern! so that we can present our readers with even more hot-off-the-press exclusives than we normally do. Most of the time we don't even have to pay Bern! as he'll give us scoops if we give him enough Chivas. This time, however, we did pay him--and got him laid, too--since he had some incredible photos to go along with his gossip. Note: The viewpoints put forth by Bern! are not the viewpoints of American LowLife, especially when he's been drinking.--Ed.)

Madonna Rehearsing Super Bowl Show In Las Vegas

I broke the news before anyone else--even before that fat fuck Robin Leach--that the NFL was going to feature Madonna as its halftime entertainment. I'm also the one that told you--not that drunkin' Leach--that the pop Diva was going to work with Cirque du Soleil to add a twist to her 12 minute spectacle which should reach over 160 million people.

And now, I'm proud to report--long before that gelatinous lush will--that Madonna is not only planning on having Cirque performers as part of her performance but that she is training right here in Las Vegas to actually be one of the Cirque performers! Below are exclusive photos that I took yesterday at a location off the Strip that Leach will have to find on his own.

I also landed an exclusive interview with the 51-year-old music superstar"
Madonna: How did you find me? What the fuck do you want?
Bern!: I just wanted to ask you a few questions.
M: If it's about my asshole ex you can fuck yourself
B!: No, no, it's not that...
M: If it's about me switching from Kabbalah to Opus Dei--that's off limits.
B!: No, it's about your collaboration with Cirque du Soleil for the Super Bowl show.
M: Oh, that. Cool. Yeah, I decided to work with them and spice things up a bit, especially when I heard that no one wants to hear me sing.
B!: That's not true--you're a legend. Millions want to hear you sing some of your classics.
M: Well, I'm not going to sing, I'm only going to lip synch. I'm actually in training to perform as part of the Cirque troupe.
B!: You're actually going to perform Cirque routines?!
M: What? You don't think I can? I'm in better shape than women half my age. And as, Mr. Guy Richie can attest, I don't have an ounce of fat on my body just like most of these Cirque performers. Hey, why don't you sit back and watch--I'll show you a thing or two.

And sit back I did...and took several photos which are being shown to the public for the first time anywhere. Enjoy the exclusive, Robin...

Big News! If you’ve been paying attention to national politics (and I wouldn’t blame you if you haven’t been—it’s quite a circus these days) you may have heard that Jon Huntsman is running for President (although he’s so low in the polls that you may not have heard that). However, he’s had some hot help from some very sexy sources of late, namely his three smokin’ daughters.

(from L to R) Liddy, 23, Abby, 25, and Mary Anne, 26

They’ve been tweeting some funny and poignant comments about the other candidates and recently did a cover of Justin Timberlake’s “Sexy Back”, poking fun at the Republican front-runners. See this link for the video which is really audio plus a still picture.

We here at American LowLife don’t usually get too political on the site as most people are here for sex and not for the silliness of the world of politics. About the only time we get involved is when those in political office think they have a right to poke around in a LowLife’s personal life (which, unfortunately, is far more frequent than it should be).

Oh, yeah, we might also make a comment about a politico who is fervent against something like drugs and gays and then is caught doing lines of coke off a young boy’s back while he has ‘em bent over in a bathroom stall (or something similar to what California State Senator Roy Ashburn pulled last year).

We don’t like hypocrites a whole lot which probably explains why we ran with a story about former Nevada Senator John Ensign and his wife regarding that alleged orgy at the Green Door. (We didn’t receive a denial, by the way)

We also ran a piece on Sarah Palin but only because she was coming to Vegas (or maybe because it looked like she had a boob job).

And yes, we ran a photo of that obviously fake* Newsweek Magazine with a naked Michelle Obama on the front cover but they mentioned American LowLife in the issue so we were kind of obligated to do so. (*Her boobs have never been as big as shown that we can confirm)

But this time we’re actually getting involved in the political process. American LowLife is going to help raise money for none other than Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman. Yes, if the Huntsman campaign approves our fundraiser then we’re ready to pass around the hat for the former Utah Senator.

Why Mr. Huntsman? Well, it could be that we like the fact that the religious wackos don’t like Huntsman because he isn’t extreme enough (even though he’s a Republican Mormon). That’s always a good reason as those religious zealots tend to not like the hedonistic principals we espouse.

While that’s a good reason it isn’t enough for us. We need something more substantial to get behind. Something like the women in Jon Huntsman’s life. Something like his wife and daughters. We’d get behind them—at least that’s what our poles polls indicate.

So that why we’re having the American LowLife Huntsman Girls “Sexy Back” Fundraiser/Orgy in a couple of weeks (provided they answer in the affirmative on that email we sent them). For the first time you’ll be able to tap into the power of the political process and feel good about it.

Tentatively scheduled to appear—and play—are Liddy, Abby, and Mary Anne. We’ve also invited Mrs. Huntsman (3rd from left, above) as she’s still a babe—or should I say MILF, er, GMILF--at 50.

This fundraiser and orgy is one of the first of it’s kind and it shows the forward-thinking (and forward-poking) attitude you’ve come to expect from American LowLife. We plan on putting the action back in Political Action Committee!

So if you want to get up close and personal with four of the hottest representatives of any presidential candidate, then bring a hefty donation, leave your clothes at the door and let these ladies know how you feel on those “hot button” issues.

It all takes place at the LowLife corporate offices in Conference Room 1 (you know, the one with the sex swing and stripper poles). We’ll send out specifics to those that RSVP once we get a hard confirmation from the girls.

We’re bringing sexy back...

The Ultimate Fighting Championship in Toronto ended the way hard core fans--and especially UFC President Dan White--liked it: with a lot of blood.

While the previous UFC fight card--UFC 139--was a bloody affair, particularly the fight between Henderson and Rua, it was nothing like UFC 140 and White is happy once again that the bloodiest fight wasn't on network television.

In the main event, Jon "Bones" Jones and Lyoto "The Dragon" Machida wailed on each other for four rounds until Machida seemed to go berserk and began hacking on Jones with all sorts of vicious karate chops. Fans ringside were splattered in blood and seemed delighted every time a wave of red covered their face.

Ringside was the place to be if you wanted to feel like you were part of the action

"I think the true MMA fan got their money's worth tonight," said White. "I gave it the fight of the night."

When White awards "fight of the night" it comes with a cash bonus the fighters always appreciate. Unfortunately, in this case, Jon Jones isn't alive to accept the money but White said he will honor the principal of the award and give it to Jones' next of kin.

Most of Jon "Bones" Jones was at the press conference although he didn't respond much to accolades from Dana White

"Wow, did you see Machida get down to business?" said White in the post-fight press conference. "The chop that took off "Bone's" left arm was one of the most radical ever! How fucking cool was that?!!"

Perhaps the most amazing thing about the fight was how Jones kept pleading with the referee not to stop the fight claiming each serious-looking blow to his body was "just a flesh wound", even when both of his arms were sheared off.

By the time Jones was down to nothing but, well, bones, many around press row were trying to think of a more valiant effort and the only thing that came to mind was the effort The Black Knight put forth so many years ago.

None of us hard core fight fans can wait until UFC 141 on December 30 at MGM.