We Warned Ya!

As part of the Kasidie/ALL merger, we have changed the location of where existing AmericanLowLife.com members log in.

You will need to scroll down to the bottom of the (logged-out) Home page look for something at the bottom of the left-hand column that looks like the "speakeasy door" graphic (left) and click on that for the login stuff.

It'll make ya feel downright dirty, just as we have always intended...

(Note: At this point, we're still not accepting any new LowLifes although we're quite sure many are more than qualified)

UPDATE! It seems some members were having trouble getting in with the graphic link/text links below. IT'S BEEN FIXED SO TRY AGAIN!

Guys, if you like your turgid member to feel the sensations of both a warming turn-on and a cool tingling while you are getting down with your latest lady (or whatever you're into), then you won't want to miss the "Fire & Ice" promotion going on at the Palms. Besides, you could win a trip to Vegas and a heated/tingling vacation at the Palms so what have you got to lose?

Trojan brand condoms has partnered with the Palms to offer a unique couples vacation package. The "Fire & Ice" program will feature a variety of components, ranging from custom vacation packages, to pool parties and night club events, to the "Trojan Fire & Ice Get It On At The Palms" sweepstakes.

As part of the promo, Trojan will be the exclusive brand of condoms sold at the Palms during the term of the sweepstakes and "Intimacy Kits," featuring a variety of Trojan products, will be available in every room. If you've ever stayed in the Palms before you know the "Intimacy Kits" can be big fun, indeed.

We always like our li'l man to feel all sorts of sensations and if we can do it at the Palms then so much the better. If you want to join the contest, click on the "Get-It-On" link

Also: That "spray-on condom" we've all been waiting for is still on hold (it just takes too damn long to dry). And, in case you were wondering, you (notice how I said "you") can no longer buy those smaller-sized comdoms at the drug store (just too embarrassing, they say) but they are available online, in case you were wondering.

At least Wayne Newton is trying to get current on his debts.

Last year we posted an article about how Newton owed a bunch of money to a hangar in Michigan where he was storing his personal airplane, a Fokker F-28. The Wayner had spent some $700,000 in fixing up the plane and then just let it sit and rot for three years. Supposedly the thing is loaded with ugly, health-threatening black mold, making the plane virtually unusable. Newton must be using the cash he got from his recent show at the Tropicana--or maybe he got an advance from the MGM for an upcoming show--to not only pay off the hangar fees but to disassemble the jet and move it down to his property here in Las Vegas (and then reassemble).

Most of you who aren't filthy rich like Wayne and me (well, Newton was rich at one time) wouldn't even consider putting your plane on your own property because A) you don't have room on your property and B) you don't have a plane of your own to begin with. See, us rich folks are different than y'all.

Anyway, from the looks of the photo in TMZ the plane appears to be parked along Sunset Road in the north-western part of what he calls Casa de Shenandoah (click on the map, right, for an enlarged view of the massive estate--if we're wrong on the specific location, let us know). The article also says that Newton paid off his former pilot who sued the singer for about $500,000 in unpaid wages last year so it sounds like the Midnight Idol is looking less and less like a deadbeat all the time.

No word if Newton has paid off the $3 million owed to Las Vegas Motor Speedway owner, Bruton Smith. Maybe if ya fix up the plane, Wayne, you can give the li'l Fokker to Smith to settle things up...

If you're looking for a new vibe tonight (Saturday, 8/28) then you might want to head on down to the Artisan for a lifestyle play-around-the-pool party sponsored by an up-and-coming party promoter called "Speakeasy". The pair that is Speakeasy is a young, stylish and ultra-cool couple known as Curtis & Drea (see the Kasidie.com profile "SpeakeasyEvent" for a full spread of sexy photos--you'll be glad you did!) and are planning to do the occasional lifestyle event here in Sin City (to go along with other mainstream events they organize).

We wanted to give you a taste of Mrs. Speakeasy so we've got a picture of her bangin' bod (left) along with Mr. Admin's charming face. You may have seen that body somewhere else (one can hope) as she's a professional entertainer/dancer at a very popular Strip production show.

Tonight's gig oughta be a laid-back-yet-swanky affair so if you feel like mingling with "Wet T-Shirt Go-Go's" while watching "hot sexy shower shows & Pole Performances" then you ought not miss this one...

Here's the link to Summer Dream Couples Party listing on Kasidie (you need to be logged in, of course, to see the RSVPs and all).

(The fun begins at 10 p.m.--let's hope the frickin' wind calms its ass down!)

So, Cy Waits who, along with his brother Jesse, had to be in a pretty good mood when they found out that Steve Wynn had enough confidence in them to continue running his XS and Tryst nightclubs after the man they were working for, Victor Drai, parted ways with Wynn.

It would certainly call for a celebration, right? So, who better to celebrate with than full-time party girl--and new Waits girlfriend--Paris Hilton. Works for me, I suppose.

Unfortunately, it didn't work for Waits.

A Strip motorcycle cop just outside of Wynn Resort--where Waits and Hilton were celebrating--smelled marijuana smoke and thought it was coming from a nearby Cadillac Escalade. The cop pulled the vehicle over, and, of course a crowd started to develop once they figured out it was Hilton standing there so she asked if they go all go inside the Wynn for a bit more privacy. She also reached into her purse to grab some lip balm and when she pulled out the tube, lo and behold, a small baggie of cocaine came out at the same time. Oy vey!

Paris, we're ashamed of you! Not for having the coke in the first place as we pretty much expect that out of you but you are a professional party girl and you're supposed to be more experienced at this sort of thing. Such a total party foul! And it was only around 11:30 in the evening so it's not like she was so messed up already she was a stumbling, bumbling wreck. The two were headed back to Waits house to kick the party into high gear, we presume (or possibly to change into different club wear since, from the looks of their mug shots, weren't dressed for really top notch nightclub partying). Unfortunately for them, the two couldn't wait to get the party started and got a jump on it as soon as they got their car from valet.

Paris, of course, is using the tried and true excuse that it wasn't her purse, which she used successfully in South Africa recently when busted for pot. This time, she was the only female in the car but, of course, she could have picked up someone else's purse when celebrating in the Wynn just prior to hooking up with the nosey Metro man. One thing that we're having trouble with is the fact that she knew right where the lip balm was located and was going to apply some to her lips. Would you use the lip balm out of a purse that wasn't yours? And what about I.D.s, credit cards, etc. that would certainly be in the purse. Did the purse really contain a bunch of items identifying a different owner? We'll see, as Paris is using it as her defense.

Another question that will soon be answered is what will Steve Wynn do with Cy Waits? Steve doesn't seem to be the most tolerant fellow, especially when it comes to something that might damage the reputation of his beloved properties. Ol' Steve has worked long and hard on building up the image of everything related to the Wynn brand so I gotta think there will be some fallout over this blunder.

If you're a local you've probably heard the story many times before but, since I never tire of and someone did a snappy re-write of the tale, I'm gonna post a little something about it yet again.

I suppose the main reason I enjoy the should-I-stay-or-should-I-go tale of Las Vegas' Ultimate Fighting Championship group is that, at one time, I had a new business that had just enough financial reserves for one more month and we had to make a tough decision as to whether to bail or not. We stuck with it, got a "lucky" break (are those kind of breaks ever really lucky?) and ultimately had a successful 15-year business employing a shitload of people (which ain't bad as far as entrepreneurial endeavors go).

So, whenever I hear of what the UFC guys went through--how they bought a down and out (and outlaw) business, sunk way too much money into it and were "this close" (and my fingers are very close together) to saying "fuck it" but, instead, came up with a radical idea (you'll have to read the article) and now the damn thing is worth billions, well, it brings a chill to this old man's spine and sends him into a blissful reverie for a few moments (or was that the Lortab?).

Here's a nice look at how the Fertitta brothers, along with rascally Dana White, damn near screwed the pooch but ended up hitting the jackpot.

Here's a look at the now-famous (in MMA lore), UFC-saving, hold-nothing-back fight between Forrest Griffin and Stephan Bonnar (2005)

Back in the day, when I memorized a card counting system that supposedly gave me an ever-so-slight edge against the house in the never-ending blackjack wars, if a casino tinkered with the payback odds even just a bit, word got around and players--even less serious players--would move on to a different property and play.

Oh, we might have tried some of the gimmicky BJ games (like "dealer's hole card up") which smaller joints such as Vagrant World (well, actually Vegas World but that's what locals called the Stratosphere before it was the Strat, for reasons that are still evident today) and Foxy's Firehouse Casino (that gem was across the street from the Sahara on the N.E. corner of Sahara/Strip) but as soon as we found out that the gimmicks reduced our odds and shortened our playing time we moved on.

The casinos have always done something to lower our odds like add a "shoe" which is that big plastic box which holds multiple decks of cards (which you would see in the photo, right, if those dancin' babes weren't in the way). A shoe makes it a bit more difficult for typical card counters to keep track of the count (unless you are from M.I.T. like the team in the movie "21" where it didn't seem to matter).

And, I forget how many years ago they lowered the payout odds on single-deck blackjacks but quite often, to push a player off of a single-deck table and onto a shoe table they started messing with the odds when ya were dealt a 21 (i.e. "blackjack!") on the single-deck games.

But now the ever-so-evil casinos are taking it yet another step. Now they are not only pusing you to playing with a shoe, they are also lowering the odds even more by jacking ya around on the blackjack payout on these games!

And the only thing they are giving you in return is a jiggling girl, dancing on a runway a few feet away.

Now, we like scantilly-clad dancing girls struttin' their stuff as much as the next guy (or gal--particularly on this site) but for the casino to reduce the nearly-sacred payout for blackjack from 3:2 to 6:5 is something we're having a hard time with (this means, that if you bet $10 and were dealt 21 you'd receive $12 back in a so-called "party pit" rather than the normal $15).

But the casinos say it's working--profits are up, people are playing longer to oogle the gals and no one seems to care that they are paying through their penis just to watch what the Hard Rock calls "some of the hottest women in the world" dance while we lose the wad we just got from the ATM.

~sigh~ I guess this is the new Vegas. I'm not sure what this portends for our future but right now, I don't care. I've got a free bottle of Heiney, a table full of hootin' dudes, a small stack of chips (well, "checks", actually but no one calls 'em that anymore) and one of the hottest go go girls I've seen in awhile right there in front of me. So who the fuck cares that I just split tens as I think that dancer actually likes me...

...but, for the sake of the previous customers, it ought not to be.

Let's just say you are an occasional visitor to Las Vegas and on a previous trip you stayed at one of the hotels just west of I-15 (maybe Rio, Gold Coast or even the Palms) and you were looking for a nearby gentleman's club so you wandered over to the closest one which was right next to the Rio Hotel on Valley View and it was called, depending on when you were here, one of the following: Velvet Lion (most recently), Eden or Striptease.

It was a nice-sized club 15,000-20,000 sq. feet, depending on the configuration at the time, nicely appointed, decent talent and probably not too busy (which is a key element in where we're going with this). You had your drinks, tipped the pole dancers and maybe even got something more private in the back rooms.

So this trip you decide to stop in the club again only now it's called "Secret Boutique & Cabaret" which doesn't deter you as the place has changed it's name before and it looks promising as the parking lot is quite a bit more crowded and it looks livelier inside, jammed with a ton of guys, but it's darker than it was so the new layout is a bit confusing but you spy the stage and and you see the dancer and she's not bad from where you're sitting and when she takes off her top all is right with the world again, despite that nagging sensation that maybe something is just a bit out of place but you're not sure what it is.

All still seems well when the dancer that was working the pole comes over to you and, in a deeper-than-expected voice with a rougher-than-expected face asks if you want a lap dance and you say "sure, that would be great!". And it was a pretty good dance and she did a lot of rubbing and you got to sneak a few booby rubs and you got a bit of a woody.

She asks again in that deep voice if you want a more private dance and, just as you are about to say yes, another hot babe takes the stage except--wtf?--she's accompanied by a trio of lithe males in leather straps and g-strings and you're not sure if you're cool with all of this, especially when they spank each other. You move your gaze back to the dancer's very nice breasts in front of you and, for a moment, are calmed, thinking that the new stage show is just some sort of avant-garde performance but since there are still naked breasts in the house you can deal with the artsy-fartsy stuff if you have to.

But then your gaze wanders to the dance floor the customers use and you see men dancing with men, women with women and, yikes!, is that a male/female couple dancing with what appears to be 6'2" drag queen? Holy shit--those dudes are kissing each other! Just what the hell has my quiet little titty bar become?

Wide-eyed and a bit apprehensive you look back at the topless dancer in front of you and study her face with wonderment and then--just because you absolutely have to--check out her crotch area trying to discover if there's anything, um, unusual there--something that shouldn't be there. She startles your train of thought when she says "Yes, darling, it's still there and it still works--now did you want to go to that private room?"

And, while you tell all your buds back home you high-tailed it out of Secret, we heard you went back in the private room like the good old days. We won't tell anyone since what happens here, stays here, but we really do think others oughta be warned, as strictly a practical measure--don't you agree?

Secret Boutique & Cabaret Is A Bit Different Than Velvet Lion (more)

Ha! Got ya! As far as I know, there isn't a sex tape for the newly-crowned Miss Universe, Mexico's Jimena Navarrete (although we do discuss some new sex tapes below). However, from the pictures I've seen of the hottie I sure hope there is one (see pics below--click "more").

Anyway, the Miss U event at the Mandalay was shown live around the world and was a nice little promo for all things Vegas, including Strip cut-aways, Cirque performers and musicians playing "Viva Las Vegas" (unfortunately, NOT the Dead Kennedys version).

Bummer that Miss USA didn't make the Final 10 but there were some babes that did make it. First runner-up was Miss Jamaica, while second runner-up was Miss Australia. Is it my imagination that blondes are "out" and darker-haired women are "in", even in countries such as Finland and Russia that traditionally sport blondies? Well, whataya know...

Speaking of sex tapes, there are two that have cropped up in the past couple of days or will soon pop up. One that might be interesting--although by providing the tape the dude has confirmed that he is a dick as many have asserted--is a Heidi Montag tape offered by Heidi's estranged husband--and sex tape director--Spencer Pratt. Supposedly part of the tape features Las Vegas regular Montag doing a girl-on-girl scene with Playboy Playmate Karissa Shannon. At first Heidi was pissed and said the tape didn't exist but today it looks like she's in on the deal with Vivid Entertainment and is talking about working out a "back-end deal" on royalties. Hmmm...maybe Spencer isn't so much a dick and maybe publicity whore Heidi was in on this from the beginning... Nah, couldn't be... (although porn queen Jenna Jameson never bought Heidi's act to begin with)

The other sex tape is signed, sealed, sexed and delivered as you can see by the DVD cover to the right. It's not one of those cases where the female participant is shocked and appalled about the video surfacing. In fact, the actress is proud of what she's done although her famous daddy is pissed off.

Laurence Fishburne, who can be seen around Vegas from time to time filming CSI: Las Vegas, has pretty much disowned her daughter, Montana Fishburne (who took the clever stage name of "Chippy D" for some reason). If you want to see the 19-year old Montana, er, I mean Chippy D, in nearly all her glory (they are r-rated pics) check out the Vivid.com website for DVD samples.

We kinda like Montana's style as she's quoted in AsIs Magazine talking about her father: "I'm not doing shit to him but fucking and having my career." A bit more honest than Heidi, I would say...

OK, so sex tapes are becoming pretty much standard operating procedure if you want to get a head (a head -- ha!) in this vapid celebrity world so look for them to be just another part of a complete resume. (Note: Resume taping available at ALL offices, evening hours)

Hopefully, the new Miss Universe has one hidden somehwere in her closet. For now, we'll have to settle for the wholesome pictures like the ones below.

Refreshing Non-Porn Miss Universe Photos (more)

We ran a story on those (usually) sneaky resort fees awhile back with particular emphasis on Steve Wynn declaring that he has figured out that his resort fees are what the customer really wants. They really do want $20 added on to their (non-suite) room charge and they really do want the mention of the charge to be buried somewhere within the fine print of the always readable "Terms & Conditions".

Wynn isn't the only one who "knows" what Las Vegas hotel guests want as a bunch of other resorts tack on fees ranging from a paltry one dollar per day (at the Palms) all the way up to the $25 the top-of-the-line hotels charge. Those top hotels--the cream of the Vegas crop that can command such high resort fees--would be, of course, Ritz-Carlton (which we can sorta understand) and both Green Valley Ranch and Red Rock which we're having a tough time comprehending.

Hey, as locals we like to play at GVR and RR now and then but, as locals, when we're looking for a place for our "staycation" we're going to really consider the extra 25 bucks per night (to be fair--and as everyone knows we always are--GVR and RR charges only $24.95) before we make a final decision on the overnighter. Hmmm... Could the resort fees have anything to do with RR/GVR owner Station Casinos losing so much money last quarter?

As you can see by the "Complete Las Vegas Resort Fees List" below, Wynn, Ritz and Stations aren't the only ones tacking on tickey tack fees to your room bill. The Boyd Group and MGM Resorts are also prominently represented on the listing, too.

One company that's not on the list is Harrah's which is not only NOT charging fees they are rubbing that fact in the collective noses of the other Vegas casinos in a marketing campaign which labels all the company's resorts as "No Resort Fee Zones".

Did you know that Vegas visitors (and staycationers, we presume) spent $12.7 million on resort fees alone in June of this year? No, you probably didn't unless you watched this exciting video where a frumpy Harrah's exec who can actually speak is joined by a non-frumpy Harrah's shill who can't (see photo, left) to get the point across that there are no extra fees associated with Holly Madison's breasts (or something like that).

Whatever the message of the vid was, we applaud Harrah's for nuking the resort fees at all of their properties and hope some of the other resorts will be shamed into doing the same (or, perhaps, at least lowering them and, if nothing else, be a little more up front about them--like Holly's breasts). Here are the hotels that Holly's breasts refer to: Planet Hollywood, PH Towers Westgate, CaesarsPalace , Harrah's Las Vegas, Paris Las Vegas, Rio All-Suites Hotel & Casino, Flamingo Las Vegas, Bally's Las Vegas, Bill's Gamblin' Hall & Saloon and Imperial Palace.

We will definitely consider a Harrah's property for our next staycation...

The Complete Las Vegas Resort Fees List (more)

It's probably fairly obvious, considering the number of links-per-post we offer, that we comb through various local and national publications for stories that suit our frame-of-mind and that are remarkable, not in the remarkable amazing sense but in the remarkable worthy-of-making-remarks about sense.

From time to time we'll even post a comment in those publications, offering a superbly written, wonderfully balanced, incredibly insightful, uh, rant, on some pertinent topic or other.

Most recently, "AmLowLife" (as is the clever pen name we use) went on a diatribe in the Las Vegas Sun in a column which mentioned the Black & White Party, the annual AIDS fundraiser. Since we went to the B & W party as we usually do, we felt qualified (whether we actually are or not) to make a few observances on the event's transition from an event with a load of quirky, often kinky characters to a much more staid and conservative party.

We started to write a quick comment in the original B & W posting but that only managed to get us riled up even more...

Here's the Sun rant:
"While it's great to have the Black & White party indoors and to not have to worry about the almost-always draining heat and occasional blustery wind and while it's most excellent to have a sound system where you can actually hear the MC and to have facilities where you can dangle performers from the ceiling, we, personally, think the event has lost something.

We're very happy the worthy cause is making more money and that the event is physically bearable no matter the outdoor weather situation but it's just not as much fun in our eyes when the crowd becomes a somewhat staid audience rather than a participant as it used to be."
I hope that next year that get back to the quirkiness that made the event so unique.

(OK, I feel better now, thanks for listening)

We're attending the gig but we have strange tastes and hit the event most every year so that's nothing unusual. However, judging by the Kasidie RSVP list, it seems like quite a few from the lifestyle community are going to the annual Black & White Party at the Joint tonight (Saturday, 8/21).

That's pleasantly surprising--since we rarely see too many of the swing crowd there and it's a primarily a fundraiser for gays--but it would be very groovy if our community supported the worthy cause and besides, it's usually a load of fun. Hey, maybe they will support our community when we organize some day (swingers come out en masse'? yeah, right)

If you want more details check out the ALL event listing (or Kasidie listing--above) and I've posted a little history of the event below.

This year, since there are so many LowLifes going, a few of us are getting suites across the street at the new Rumor Hotel so that may end up being party central for the after-parties although we traditionally head to Krave afterwards as it's always pretty crazy on B & W night (so who the hell knows?).

Anyway, if you head to the Hard Rock tonight we'll see ya there...or maybe at Rumor...or maybe at Krave... In any case, be sure you wear the proper colors (or non-colors, as the case may be)!

A Brief Black & White History (more)

There are some that don't think a while lot of blustery ol' Donald Trump but there's one thing I think all LowLifes can agree on: he sure knows how to sex up what was previously a fairly staid event.

Earlier this year, The Donald created a controversy by having the Miss USA contestants get into sexy lingerie and pose for modeling sessions. Of course, we felt compelled to show a few of the offending pictures and include a link to all 51 of the racy gals (yes, we're bad).

Now, Mr. Trump is corrupting sweet, virginal girls from all over the, um, universe (not just the world, mind you, but the entire frickin' universe), by having them not only pose in swimwear (which they expected) but to also pose in body paint and some of them were--gasp!--topless. Although, compared to some of the Sports Illustrated body painting sessions (take your pick from this page) it looked pretty lame as most kept their tops on and even then, most of the ones that didn't turned their back to the camera (except Miss Trinidad & Tabago who was a trooper).

Miss USA, Rima Fakih, went topless but turned her breasts away from the prying eye of the camera saying "I'm Arab, I'm Muslim, and I didn't want to disappoint many people." Well, Miss Fakih, you certainly disappointed a whole lot of true, red-blooded American LowLifes, I can tell you that.

The Miss U gals were seen all over Las Vegas at various shows and shops and pools and, of course, in The Donald's private penthouse at Trump Tower working on the "talent" portion of the competition (we made that last part up although I could swear I saw Miss Canada dancing the pole at Déjà Vu Wednesday night).

Speaking of swimsuits--and speaking of Miss Canada--this photo spread is probably the best one we've, um, come across and you'll notice that sassy Miss Canada is in nearly every picture so if she doesn't get Miss Congeniality she probably come down with a case of mono. For our money, Miss Russia is a hottie (and isn't a blonde, surprisingly enough) as are the babes from Finland, Spain, Paraguay, Nicaragua and Thailand (ya think that's an actual girl?).

If you are into checking out the so-called "national costumes", you can take a gander at these. With a little work--a little sexing up--some of them might do the trick at your next lifestyle theme party. A word of caution, do not attempt anything too kinky while wearing the national costume from Dominican Republic (see below) as people, pets and waterbeds could be impaled.

The 2010 Miss Universe Pageant takes place this Sunday at the Mandalay Bay and will air live on both NBC and Telemundo.

More On The Miss Universe Pageant Including Dangerous Costumes and Gun-Toting Judges (more)

We'd pull out our piece on Kelly Brook, too...

From NY Daily News:

Kelly Brook got a nice fright during the production of the horror film "Piranha 3D," but it had to do with the fuzz, not fanged fish. Brook tells us that during a break in filming, she and co-star Jessica Szohr decided to drive from the film's set in Lake Havasu, Ariz., to Las Vegas for a little R&R, but ended up lost late at night at the Hoover Dam.

"The next thing I know, there are three police cars following us," says the British Brook. "In England, the natural reaction is to get out of the car and ask for directions, which is what I did," she explains. Unfortunately, she says, this prompted the cops to jump out of their squad cars with weapons drawn.

Brook, who bares all in the film, which opens Friday, and on the pages of this month's Playboy, says: "Next thing you know, we have got our hands on the bonnet [hood] of the car and we're trying to assure [the police] we're just actresses on our way to Vegas.

"To have a gun pulled on you and then be asked for your autograph in the space of a minute is just a bizarre turn of events." Yes, but we bet those cops went home happy.
.....

We assume it was Boulder City police as they tend to have a nice little money-making scheme going with that stretch of highway from Boulder Dam past Lake Mead (you know, the truck route) as we've been stopped there a few times ourselves. They ended up with our autograph, too, although it was on a speeding ticket...

August is "Naked Month" for Kelly Brook (more)

Maybe you were wondering about how those tryouts for the new Vegas team of the Lingerie Football League went. Looks like there are some gals who like to hit, baby!

Check out this video from this past Sunday's team auditions. Bam! Boom!

If you are looking for a multi-day lifestyle get-together where there's lots of sex and not so much, well, non-sex, then you might want to check out a JPJustParties event. And, it just so happens one is going on right now.

Funny how that works, isn't it?

JP has gotten into the habit of throwing large "Funventions" here in Las Vegas on a quarterly basis and from the feedback we've received they've gotten better and better.

These events are more like the now-defunct Lifestyle Organization conventions than, say, an LLive or a Fusion event. The attendees are generally more "seasoned" lifestylers and more serious about sex and less about the social foreplay (so there won't be any group dinners or trips to nightclubs and that sort of thing--although there will be get-to-know-ya dances).

This event once again features the huge 2,000 sq. foot party space with a several rooms overlooking the group play area below. JP found that to be one of their most successful set-ups so has returned to that Strip venue.

If you are interested in checking it out, they offer individual or multi-day passes. Go to the JPJustParties listing or call Alan at 702-516-3697

We gotta commend JP on their hard work in securing different venues and, come hell or high water, holding an event no matter what (unlike Swingfest which cancelled on just a couple of days notice and hasn't returned any money, yet) and building these Vegas parties into something that many look forward to.

And we hear the Halloween event has the makings for a good one. Seems JP just closed the deal on an entire floor takeover at the Riviera--7,000 square feet of party suites--which oughta make for a fun time....

They say it was 16 years ago but being old and foggy-headed it's difficult for me to remember exactly when it was but I definitely remember my personal circumstances when I first saw the "butts".

I was driving on US-95 heading from, say, Boulder Highway (don't know for sure) and passing the downtown Vegas area when I saw it. There were 7 incredible rear-ends staring down at me from a huge billboard. I definitely can understand why people who tried to get the billboards removed said they were a traffic hazard as I did a double- and triple-take and nearly missed the I-15 exit.

I didn't have an accident like the naysayers said was happening right and left due to those distracting derrieres--I could see where some might--but I did take an early exit on the interstate so I could come back around and check out the billboard again.

Having lived in Las Vegas for many years we were used to billboards and advertisements of showgirls and dancers and somewhat provocative Caesars Palace cocktail waitresses but we had never seen anything like those nearly-naked behinds--way larger-than-life--staring down at us with the caption (which I had missed the first time around) "No Ifs Ands Or..."

I distinctly recall thinking that I was surprised that this seemingly-liberal-but-actually-prudish town allowed the sign to go up to begin with. As it turns out, they tried to get it taken down but lost (which I was very happy about).

Anyway, here's the quick story of the infamous Crazy Girls butts and what the butt owners are doing now...

The headline in the Review-Journal says: "Coroner: Death Was Overdose"

That's what the coroner office is saying happened to DeMario Reynolds, the fiance of Purrfect Party promoter Iman Aubrey. They say Reynolds died from combined cocaine, Ecstasy and alcohol intoxication. "Other significant conditions include collapse following a physical altercation."

Ya think getting "continuously hit in the head and chest" as witnesses said happened to Mr. Reynolds was anything more than some sort of "other significant condition"?

From what we've heard from insiders, DeMario and crew were getting ready to head over to Drai's to celebrate the birthday of DeMario's sister-in-law and were getting in an appropriate space (appropriate for Drai's, at least) when a wannabe MMA dude (and friend of DeMario's) went beserk, started choking his girlfriend and then turned on Reynolds when he tried to break things up. And the "friend" returned to the Luxor hotel room and pounded some more.

While we will admit that if one is going to face a sorta-MMA guy (the dude had a couple of amateur bouts in the past) in a smack-down it's probably best not to have recently ingested a laundry list of recreational drugs but if you're simply heading to a club you go to every week and you're just getting in a Drai's frame-of-mind but then someone starts wailing on your head and chest--someone who knows how to inflict damage--that when your heart gives out they say, Oh, he just overdosed. Oh, yeah, and getting battered a couple of times even after you tried to give the MMA "no-more" sign really wasn't anything more than a "significant condition".

Well, I guess we'll see. Reynolds friend/attacker appears in court today so we'll have an update as soon as we hear the news.

Here's some background info in case you missed it...

As the situation in the movie Airplane! became more and more dire, the beleaguered air traffic controller became more and more stressed, spitting out classic lines like:
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking."
and:
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking."
and then:
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."
and finally, when the situation was at it's bleakest:
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines."

We can only imagine the CEO of the relatively new M Resort, Anthony Marnell III, expressing similar sentiments:
"Looks like I picked the wrong time open a frickin' $700 million casino. Now, where was that glue I was sniffing?"

In the beginning, the M Resort was doing gangbuster business--despite being several miles south of Strip Central--even going so far as to hire an additional 250 people during the first week to handle the traffic. The reviews of the place were almost universally positive with visitors commenting on the beautiful pool and casino, excellent specialty restaurants and one of the best buffets in town.

We made the trek to M last week (and that's part of the problem--it's a heck of a trek for most of the Vegas valley) and, while we found the drink deals to be smokin' and the steak dinner to be scrumptious, we also found the place to be devoid of people and wondered how long M could keep trudging along.

Well, we've got our answer--not very long. In fact, the privately held M is now officially up for auction so if you're interested get your checkbook out. We were thinking of throwing in a bid but it's just so far out there for us that we decided to hold off and wait for the Encore to go on the trading block.

But at least a dozen others don't feel the same way we do as there has been a lot of interest in the M, including the usual suspects of Boyd Gaming and Station Casinos. Even Marnell and his family have put up an offer (to Lloyds Banking Group which owns about $700 mil. of the debt) so someone is gonna get a mighty fine property on the cheap.

The question is, how much glue will they have to sniff before the place makes a profit in this economic climate...

"A new survey found that 48 percent of Americans are willing to try out a nude beach for vacation. And my guess is that it's the wrong 48 percent."
-- Jimmy Fallon

Ain't that the truth...

We just saw that "Bite", the campy, silly, cheesy yet somehow still sexy vampire-themed show at the Stratosphere just turned six years old so we wanted to send out a congratulations to the cast & crew. Six years is quite a feat in this town as we've watched so many shows come and go in far less time.

The topless show features a coven of beautiful blood-suckers and/or blood suckees dancin' 'n' prancin' 'n' flyin' around while a mean ol' vampire king is on the hunt for the perfect queen. We're not sure she's the perfect queen or not as there are some real babes to choose from but we do think the wife ol' Lord Vampire eventually selects does have just about the perfect ass (you can get a taste of it--like we did (see below)--by checking out some of the photos we posted).

Jessica Delgado plays the Queen of the Night six nights a week at the Strat and then on Saturday flies on down the Strip and proceeds to shake that bodacious bootie for a few more hours on the go go boxes at Krave Nightclub. And we do mean shake as she does this thing to that thing right up close to your face if you've got a dollar or two. We haven't seen a shimmering behind like that since the burlesque dancers in the show at the now-defunct 40-Deuce (remember that shakin'?) and we certainly couldn't get as close to them.

Anyway, congrats once again on six years of biting and sucking. We loves us some vampire bi-atches...

A Further Look At The Queen Of The Butts (more)

You might be wondering why we titled this Know It All "All You Can Eat" and then display a photo of Jenny McCarthy. So are we. Maybe we can work our way out of this one.

You see, we were sent an advert for an all-you-can-eat Prime Rib special from Mr. Lucky's at the Hard Rock Hotel and thought we'd pass it on. It's a pretty good deal for $9.99. We've pigged out on it and the deal rocks. And the fact that you can get it daily from 4p-4a is also pretty damn cool.

So, we were all set to post a picture of some juicy prime meat, aged to perfection, when we ran across the photo to the left of model/actress/comedian/author Jenny McCarthy in the outfit she wore to the Palm's Midsummer Night's Dream party this past weekend and thought she looked pretty damn good for a 37-year-old, i.e. a nice cut of beef that has aged quite well and, frankly, we could munch on that stuff from 4p-4a, too...

It's a weak connection but it's good enough for us.

There's no doubting that Lady Gaga has made a spectacular rise to the top of the pop music heap. The question is, is her fame almost at an end or will she endure like, perhaps, a Madonna, who she is starting to draw comparisons with.

While we didn't attend her concert Friday night at the MGM Grand Garden Arena, we were just a bit curious as to how it went. From the looks and sounds of it, Ms. GaGa is doin' just fine.

Here's a peek-in on how the concert went (complete with a bunch of photos) and here's a quickie review (with even more photos).

We were impressed not with her antics at the concert or even the reviews saying she actually has a pretty damn good voice under all that shock value but the fact that she didn't do any partying after her gig and, instead, went back to the Palms where she was staying and worked some marathon hours in the Palms recording studio. That's the Madonna-like dedication that will take her past flash-in-the-pan status.

On one sour note, a friend-of-a-friend on Facebook (a Cirque performer) was, at first, happy that Lady Gaga attended the "Ka" show at MGM Saturday night (although thought she should have gone to Zumanity) but was annoyed that she later walked out half-way through the production. Maybe she was so inspired by the show she needed to get back into the studio and lay down some tracks. Or, maybe she just didn't like the show. Whatever. You can't please everyone although it sounds like she pleased quite a few of her Las Vegas fans...

If you are looking for an uber party house chocked full of all the class, style and luxury money can buy, we've got a few Las Vegas mansions you should check out for your next upscale soirée.

The website says they are targeting the corporate market--for those big-cheese execs who are going to be in town for a week or two and simply must have a 7,000 sq. foot (or so) house or it just wouldn't feel right.

I don't know about you but when I see at posh palace like the one pictured, left, and I read "This magnificent luxury fully furnished 7,400 sq ft home provides the ultimate in family living and entertaining," I ignore the "family living" part and visualize the "entertaining" part.

The company--Corporate Mansions--has quite a line-up of rent-by-the-week party houses with prices ranging from about $2,000 per week up to around $4,000. The one pictured is $3,665/week with $250/week in utilities.

If you want to make your next party an upper-crust, high-brow affair--and you promise to invite us--we'll tell you where to check out all the "corporate" mansions and promise not to trash the joint to the point that you'd lose your cleaning deposit (try THIS LINK).

A few days ago we posted a blurb for those ladies who were REALLY into football--to the point of actually wanting to play the game (oh, and make media appearances and get sweaty with sexy teammates, many of which ya just know must be bisexual)--and told of how y'all could tryout for a new Lingerie Football League team that's coming to Vegas (let us know if you do--the missus is thinking about it).

For those a bit less ambitious yet still full-fledged football fanatics, how about just showing your support for your NFL team with a display of sexy logo gear? Good luck in finding something that fits, right?

For years now, the missus (who is a football maniac) has been complaining that most of the official NFL gear you could buy was just not sexy at all and was certainly way too big. So she would buy kids sizes and then cut it down to show cleavage, midriff, whatever. It never failed to garner attention at either a sports bar, Vegas sports book or an actual game. We often wondered why the NFL didn't get a clue.

Well, now it has. Or, at least, it's starting to as Victoria's Secret has launched their "Pink" collection of women's football clothing for select NFL and college teams. For years female football fans have either had to buy kid's gear as Mrs. LowLife did or purchase a made-for-a-man's jersey which, even with the smallest sizes, left most women swimming in their top (except Packer fans--ha ha--j/k).

The NFL has been a complete idiot about this. They know that women make up 40% of their 200 million fan base yet they have moved into allowing the licensing of the NFL logo in conjunction with female fashions at glacial speed.

Victoria's Secret & The NFL (more)

...for a week.

All us Peepshow aficionados have surely contemplated the burning question: what happens to Planet Hollywood's Peepshow when hard-working Holly Madison needs a break?

The show's just gotta shut down, right? I mean, Holly has raised the bar so high that it seems no one could replace either her or her boobies in the role of Bo Peep, the sweet and innocent girl who is corrupted by Hugh Hefner, er, I mean, the Peep Diva, could they?

Or, maybe the show producers will make a big splash and grab a well-known ample-bosomed celeb to fill in and just pray that the week--I mean, it's only a week--goes quickly and that the celebrity breasts distract the audience just enough to get by.

So, let's see...who is fairly well-known--and available--either through risque' exposure through Playboy Magazine or via some popular reality shows like maybe Jersey Shores or RuPaul's Drag Race 2 (ok, maybe not this one)? Most of us would pay to see J-Woww become the Peep Slut right in front of our eyes, I would think (and she's said she would pose nude for a mag so that isn't a problem for her) but I think J-Shores is taping again so maybe that wouldn't fit into her schedule.

So, who to pick, who to pick...

How about a just-turned-21-year-old local Las Vegas girl who still lives with her parents and barely fills out a bustier (see photo, left--at first I thought it was notoriously flat-chested Kelly Ripa (who we love and would do repeatedly either with or without her hunkster husband) of Regis & Kelly) named Angel Porrino? Yeah, that'll draw 'em in like flies to, well, most anything that's been sitting out in the yard for awhile.

Now, I'm not saying Ms. Porrino ain't cute as hell and doesn't have a fun attitude--'cause she is and does--but she certainly wasn't the first person who came to mind. Although now that she recently had a boob job (see photo below) I guess she's qualified for the Bo Peep part.

So, how did she get the job, anyway? Funny you should ask. She just happens to be Holly's personal assistant, best friend and also has a part in the oh-so-real reality show "Holly's World". Now, that might have something to do with it--ya think?

Anyway, Holly is going on vacation September 13-19 so watch for Angel filling in (and filling out) for the star while she's gone.

(Note: In case you didn't know, the current "Peep Diva" (who corrupts Bo Peep) of Peepshow is the very talented Cheaza.

Angel Enlarges For Peepshow Role (more)

It's that time of year again, time for all you ladies who love football to taunt, tease and, of course, block, tackle and score. We know the "score" part won't be a problem with Know It A.L.L. readers but can you block and tackle and maybe pass and catch?

The reason we ask is because the Lingerie Football League (LFL) is forming a Las Vegas team and they need you to try out for all positions (no, not those positions, silly) including quarterback, receiver, linewoman and defense.

Right before this past season's Lingerie Bowl--the LFL's sexy answer to the NFL's Superbowl--we ran an article on the LFL complete with some history and, of course, some very hot player photos.

The LFL actually begins league play in a couple of weeks so the Las Vegas team won't be playing any real games until next season but there will be practices and, most importantly, lots of exposure for the players who make the team via media and marketing appearances. The local team hasn't been named, yet, as that will happen via a naming contest with the results to be announced during the week leading up to the Lingerie Bowl.

If you think you've got what it takes to play a little 'ball in minimal pads 'n' clothing, here's the LowLife listing for the tryouts which happen this Sunday here in Vegas.

Go, team go! We'll be pullin' for ya! (pullin' something--can't say what on this family website...)

...well, at least his voice does.

We mentioned earlier the possibility that all the video games being released of late where Sin City plays a prominent role has added to the coolness cache Vegas seems to have among the 18-35 year-old crowd.

Can we throw the "Midnight Idol" into the equation? The makers of "Fallout: New Vegas" think so as they've incorporated Wayne Newton's voice into their upcoming release (Oct. 19, PS3/Xbox 360).

Newton's role is that of a radio DJ programmed centuries earlier--before the nuclear war with China, of course--who makes comments throughout the game including reading news stories about super mutants and introducing Dean Martin songs.

While we suspect the game makers included "Mr. Vegas" in the vid game as a tongue-in-cheek type of thing, they do give Wayne some props when they say: "He is Las Vegas, (Newton) really brings that extra touch of Vegas class to the game."

Newton has never been in video game before and has never played one, either, but it's cool to know that the spirit of Mr. Las Vegas will survive long after he's gone, possibly even after that upcoming nuc war with China....

An interesting note from the article: Is Wayne Newton making yet another comeback? Newton recently had his own one-man show at the Tropicana and while the performance evoked some strong and sentimental memories, it was generally agreed his singing voice was shot. However, it seems the production--named "Once Before I Go" was misnamed as the USA Today article mentions that the Wayner will be returning to the Vegas Strip with a show (to be called "Twice Before I Go"?) at the MGM Grand in October. Good news for you Wayne Newton fanatics, I think...

Well, that was quick. Just when we thought the Sunday Resurrection Pool Parties were dead and gone they done rose from the ashes and are now at Venus, the topless pool at the pool complex at Caesars Palace.

It's probably a better place for it--especially for visitors--since it's smack dab in the middle of the Strip in a classy 'n' cool location. It'll be topless, too, but then again, the pool parties at the Kasidie estate were topless, bottomless and also inhibition-less so that'll be a change on the bummer side of things. But Caesars has really spiffed up their pool complex, calling all the pools the Garden of the Gods Pool Oasis, so you'll probably enjoy the hot servers and the posh surroundings.

Here's the listing for the resurrected and resuscitated Resurrection Pool Party in case you were interested in making your way to Caesars this Sunday. Ultimately, you'll need to RSVP on Kasidie to attend.

BTW, if you never made it to a party at the ol' Kasidie "mansion", you can actually lease the place after the Kasidie nameplate is removed at the end of this month. Here's the CraigsList listing for the "luxury private estate" along with some pics ("only" $4995/month if you're interested!).

A caveat: As you can see by the photos that while the house and grounds are seemingly designed for pleasure, the nearby homes didn't like large parties at the house before the Kasidie folks moved in and certainly didn't like 'em afterwards. So, despite the CL listing stating "perfect for entertaining" you probably shouldn't throw gigs too often or with too many participants or expect a quick call to Mr. Popo by the decidedly un-neighborly neighbors (although, to their credit, Mr. Popo was very friendly each time and never saying they just had to check out the sound levels--which were always ok--and would then head off to file a "no problemo" report).

American LowLife has been a member of MAMA (Misleading Advertising & Marketing Association) since we first rolled out our ad-supported site in 2005. We apply MAMA's deceptive principles in all that we do on the site, not just with regard to the misleading ads and venue listings but to our own personal swingin' profiles as well (you know, we lie about height, weight, age, open sores--that sort of thing).

So it's always fun to run across other businesses that do the same thing--resorts that oughta be members of MAMA if they are not already. A travel website called Oyster.com regularly highlights some misleading marketing material of MAMA members by showing photos of what the hotel's website portrays and the reality of what the property offers.

For example, the two photos to the left are from a hotel in South Beach. Judging by the far left image you would think their pool is so huge you could surf in it, right? As it turns out, you can't do much more than rinse the sand off one's surfboard because the actual pool is no larger than the hot tub on the patio outside Mr. Admin's ALL office. Now that's classic MAMA material!

Other photos show hotels with those wonderfully secluded beaches when, in fact, the sand is wall-to-wall sunbathers (it seems Mandalay Bay is a bit guilty of this in one of their photos). Further examples of MAMA-type marketing shows brilliant works of top-notch Photoshop skills where hotels are made to seem as if they are in a good part of town (but aren't), where rooms are made to appear extravagant or decorated a certain way (but aren't--Las Vegas' California Hotel is guilty of this) where the workout room is made to appear huge but, in reality, is more like the one in your spare bedroom or that beautiful, romantic wedding in a private setting is really right out there in the open watched by a bunch of dorky tourists.

Check out some examples below and then click on this link to see the full listing of "Photo Fakeouts".

More Misleading Marketing Photos (more)

-lookingWith Las Vegas pool season winding down it's time to get serious about attending one or more of the most popular of the pool parties that have popped up all over town. Pool parties are the latest thing, doncha know, but ya gotta move quickly or you'll have to wait until next season.

Now that Kasidie has pulled the plug on their Sunday Resurrection get-togethers, thousands and thousands of disappointed "R-erection" (that's what all the insiders called the party, mostly because of Mr. Kasidie's constant tent pole in his board shorts) regulars will be frantically taking a closer look at some of the other, albeit lesser, offerings around town. And, being that we have always been so damn helpful to both locals and visitors alike for the better part of half a decade, we spent a ton of cash to update you on the scene (mostly because we're too chunky and pasty to be allowed into most of the parties ourselves).

Just how did we do this? Well, we commissioned "HuffPo" (as Newsweek calls the HuffingtonPost.com with more than a bit of envy especially since the cash-strapped newsmagazine was just sold for $1--yes, the entire Newsweek company sold for $1 (which is 98% off the newstand price!) plus, of course, the assumption of a shitload of debt, whereas HuffPo will have about $30 mil. in revenues this year) to give us a quick look at Las Vegas pool parties and HuffPo, in turn, stole (and we use that term lovingly, HuffPo lawyers, as all of the LowLife staffers think Arianna Huffington is one hot grand-milf) some information from travel site Oyster.com and sent it to us (and we're ok with that all of of us media giants do that sort of thing in this "new-media world" we live in) .

So, anyway, the pool party article considers 6 Las Vegas pools, including Wet Republic, Tao Beach, Hard Rock's Rehab, the Palm's Ditch Fridays, Bare and Caesars. If you haven't seen pics of those pools and/or parties, check the article out.

Both major Las Vegas newspapers ran stories this morning on a sudden shortage of "reflexologists" (and assisting staff members) in Las Vegas due to events we weren't very clear on (we get confused easily). It sounds as if various reflexology centers were temporarily closed because demand was so great and there just weren't enough therapists to go around (I think).

We do know that several of the highly trained "doctors-of-touching-parts-of-the-body-to-achieve-results-in-other-parts-of-the-body" had graduated from the renowned LowLife Academy of Advanced Reflexology (L.A.A.R.) and were practicing their craft at various reflexology clinics around the city, including the highly regarded practices of Sensations, Entyce and Club Exclusive when some sort of simultaneous work stoppage occurred causing dozens of patients to have to do without the often life-changing--and sometimes underwear-changing--therapy.

While traditional reflexology practitioners generally concentrate on manipulation of zones of the feet, hands and ears to invoke relief in sympathetic zones in other parts of the body, L.A.A.R. graduates receive additional training allowing them to manually stimulate other parts of the body directly in order to bring about the desired relief. This specific type of training is unique to L.A.A.R. and has recently been instituted at the academy to meet the demands of the Las Vegas market.

Due to the higher level of training received by L.A.A.R. graduates (see graduation pictures, left), patients from all areas of the country venture to clinics such as Sensations, Entyce and Club Exclusive. In order to meet up with the demand of the out-of-town customer, in-patient hours have been extended at the clinics to include evening, late-night and early morning visits, with or without appointments. In fact, the clinics have even gone so far as to create a highly responsive team of cab drivers to shuttle the special-need patients to and from their hotel room, strip club or bar.

We will continue to investigate the recent shortage of L.A.A.R.-certified reflexologists and their support staff (here, read this--maybe you can make some sense out of it) but the best response would be to simply train more zone-manipulating doctors. To that end, we are working with the L.A.A.R. Academy to help recruit additional reflexology students to assist our fair city survive the current shortage of specialists. Contact us through this site. This emergency training takes place nights and weekends in the main A.L.L. conference room.

Maybe it's all the major movies like 21, Hangover, Ocean's 11 & 13, et al, that have been filmed here of late or maybe it's the wave of video games with a Las Vegas theme (have you seen the latest installment of Mafia Wars?--the game takes place all over Las Vegas and North Las Vegas as does Dead Rising 2, and also Fallout 3) or maybe it's just that we really are.

Really are what?

Well, according to yet another Forbes Mag poll, Las Vegas has muscled their way into the top spot of the list of "America's Coolest Cities", this time sharing the glory with perennial cool cat New York City (the winner for the past 3 years).

NYC was considered coolest by single peeps but, in a nod towards the swinging possibilities that lots of people looking to party shoved into a relatively condensed space brings, Vegas won with married people.

Also, Las Vegas was the overwhelming winner in the 18-34 category which could be a reflection on the power of those movies and video games mentioned previously.

We may be dumb, fat, broke and drunks (previous polls and surveys) but at least we are cool, baby!

Announcer: "This just in: Judge says sex club ordinance unconstitutional.
A judge has ruled that Clark County's ordinance limiting sex clubs is unconstitutional.
In a ruling, Judge Kathleen Delaney says the ordinance is "unconstitutionally vague on its face in violation of the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment."'
More news at 11" (Or whenever we receive it)

With that note on Channel 8's website it appears that the Red Rooster has, yet again, won it's case against Clark County.
(UPDATE! Ch. 8 has updated the content so click on the link if you haven't checked it out recently...)

We first heard the news when a LowLife member commented on the original Red Rooster lawsuit posting here on ALL earlier today:

Here is the post:
"The Rooster wins again
For those that would like to know. Last night the judge ruled in favor of Mike Borchers aka The Vegas Red Rooster.
Judge ruled that the laws the county was trying to use to sink them where unconstitutional.
This is good for all that run parties and others that currently have lawsuits against the county since others are using the same defense.
The Rooster was the plaintiff in this case then the county cross fired against the Rooster.
This is the 6th time in 28 years that the Rooster has beat the county in court. Hopefully the last."

More news as we receive it...

In the meantime, we'll be at happy hour hoisting a few in the name of Judge Delaney who will, no doubt, be given a free lifetime pass at the Red Rooster...

(Note: If you were a member, you could read the comment in the original post but non-members can't read comments so we're re-posting it here.)

My goodness we're having fun, now!

Las Vegas, which has been in the throes of economic disaster for quite awhile, finally has some good news to drink a toast over. Let's see, where should we start... Hmmm... We had some right at our fingertips a second ago. Maybe this is it...Yikes! No, that isn't it: MGM Resort's CityCenter, which was built at a cost of $8.5 billion now has an equity value of $2.65 billion. That can't be good, can it? That's tough for this pretty little head to grasp--maybe there's some better news elsewhere in the article. Hmmm... No, I don't think MGM having a net loss $833 million for the most recent quarter is particularly positive although, ya never know, economics could have changed since I took the class oh so many years ago.

I'll keep looking--the good news was here, somewhere... OK, maybe this was it. No, I don't think the fact that the Riviera has just announced they are filing for bankruptcy is all that uplifting, except, perhaps, to the bankruptcy lawyers. And this piece on Boyd Gaming's last quarter profits falling 73% doesn't seem too happy-happy, especially for Boyd employees who may very well be toasting the news with entire happy cups of Jack.

But Boyd was going to buy up a bunch of rival Station's bankrupt properties when they come up for auction this week so maybe there is something hopeful for the owners of the Orleans and Gold Coast, among others. Wouldn't that be neat to add a Texas Station or Santa Fe Station to the portfolio? Well, gee whiz, I guess that's not going to happen, either, as Boyd says the auction is basically a stacked deck, rigged in favor of Station Casinos.

Well, there's some good news then, at least for the stacker (Stations) if not for the stackee (Boyd and others who wanted to bid). Personally, we like things stacked, especially our women, Klipsch speakers and flapjacks but I guess Boyd is just in a cranky mood, perhaps because Las Vegas has just undergone the hottest month on record. That's enough to get anyone hot under the collar, I suppose.

Well, surely gaming giant Harrah's must be doing well, wouldn't ya think? I mean they recently bought Planet Hollywood and now they have Holly Madison on their side. Uh uh, guess not. Says here that Harrah's lost $274 million last quarter and blames it on weak customer spending which means you know what? It means Holly needs to take off more clothes more often and we all need to band together and donate (i.e. "lose") some money at, say, Imperial Palace. This Saturday? 8 p.m.? We got a date? Cool! It's the least we could do for Harrah's after they've done so much for us (like Echelon).

Well here's some positive news and wouldn't ya know it it's coming from good ol' Steve Wynn. Seems business is booming for Wynn Resorts with kick-ass revenue and profits for, um, well... for their Macau properties Oh. Well, let's read a little further... Oh. Ooops... OK, so Wynn Resorts Las Vegas had another losing quarter--double what it was in 2009--and just laid off a bunch of employees. Boy oh boy. Well, on the bright side the Las Vegas branch can always borrow money from the Macao branch, right? Aren't they really good friends and all and know each other's e-mail addresses and stuff?

Surely the Las Vegas Sands has some good news to share, and, indeed they do. Just not about Las Vegas. Seems all their profits are coming from Asia and they expect a whopping 90% of their revenue to come from Asia within the next 10 years (and not Vegas' Venetian/Palazzo).

Well, damn, I was sure I had something good to report. Viola'! Got it! And boy, it's a whopper!! You know that brand new resort that's going to open this December--the Cosmopolitan--it seems they just unveiled their new sign and really nifty marquee' this week. The marquee is a 65-foot 4-sided video screed which took Las Vegas sign-maker Yesco 6-months to build. Very cool and very good news, indeed (see picture, right) .

And a very good reason to lift my shot glass in a toast to the Cosmo: thanks for bringing us some brand-spanking-new, bright-as-day, 65-foot-tall good news. We sure needed it...

A little while back we ran a Know It All about trying to blow a quick $100,000 in Las Vegas. One of the items the authors of the "what-if" piece mentioned was buying an entry-level cell phone from a company named Vertu for a sum of $13,000 (although they do have a "throw-away" phone which goes for $5k). Yes, the phone priced at $13k is one of their lowest-priced phones. Another relatively inexpensive phone (for Vertu) is the Constellation which goes for $19,000 and the good ol' Signature which lists at $49,000. These are generally available phones you can get at your neighborhood Vertu store (in upscale malls at Caesars, Wynn, Palazzo and Venetian). If you want a custom-made phone with all sorts of jewels and baubles sticking out you can order that, too. The photo we ran showed one model (of two in the world) that would put you back some $350,000 or so. For a cell phone.

OK, I understand how people like me who are extremely wealthy often enjoy proving it by buying things you can't buy (I, of course, can buy these things if I desire due to all that Kasidie money tucked under my mattress) such as watches, cars and houses. I get that. A massive house on a hill overlooking something or other like bodies of water or lights of a city can be awe-inspiring. A super-fast and/or incredibly luxurious auto inspires envy. Even an expensive watch becomes a work-of-art and, at least for some people, is a status symbol.

Each one of those things is functional to a point and, better still, often increases in value. Take, for example a watch. To continually add some sort of value to a timepiece seems like a safe bet since telling time really isn't the purpose of a watch like that. Yes, the second hand sweeps instead of hitches from number to number and it feels solid and it looks expensive and it has name value and all (built up by expensive brand marketing) but the bottom line is, on a practicality level, it only has to tell time, which, for a good number of years now has been relatively easy to do. I'm sure that current waves of high-end watches are all so accurate that they shame the atomic clock at the U.S. Naval Observatory but, in reality, does anyone actually care any more? If I want to impress I'll make sure one of my Rolex's pops out of my sleeve but when I want to know what the time is, I will, well, check out my cell phone (because I can also find out all sorts of other information at the same time).

On "Classic" Cell Phones (more)

Perhaps it was just a perfect storm, a coming together of the wrong words at the wrong time with people who were in no mood to hear them, but as a result of a highly controversial posting on this site over the weekend (by a lowly intern, no less), dozens--if not hundreds--of trannies, er, I mean, transvestites/transsexuals/transgenders got their knickers in a twist and picketed the street below the American LowLife offices at 100 LowLife Way here in Las Vegas today, holding signs and shouting "LowLifes are lowlifes" (which cut us to the bone).

After tying up traffic for nearly an hour and swinging their purses at police who tried to clear the street, we decided to send out an emissary to attempt to negotiate a peaceful settlement with the crowd. The delegate we selected was an obvious choice--since we share office space with a Las Vegas-based transgender connection site called TGFriendFinder.com--we sent out Bianca who is the TGFF receptionist and is about 6'3" in flats with "guns" bigger than Mr. Admin's thighs.

After about 10 minutes with the rabble Bianca returned and started rummaging through a supply closet.
"What do they want?" asked Lowest LowLife.
"They say they are revolting," said Bianca. "Revolting against the stereotype that trannies don't look good without makeup."
"Oh--a rather touchy subject, eh?" said Lowest
"Yes, it is. There are very few of us that look passable without gobs of makeup so it's always quite a chore to go out in public as a woman," said Bianca.
"Well, what do they want from us?
"They want American LowLife to apologize for saying they would look "frightening" after being in a foam party."
"But they would, wouldn't they? I mean anyone with a lot of makeup and a wig and all that would look pretty bad after being drenched by foam, wouldn't they?" said LowLife, a bit confused. "I mean, there were half a dozen trannies and drag queens at the party the other night and not a one went anywhere near the foam. One even said, I spent two and a half hours getting ready tonight--you think I'm going in that mess?"
"Right, I wouldn't go in there, either. But that's not the point. You were being insensitive," said Bianca flexing those guns ever so slightly.
"Well, ok, we can apologize, I suppose. Is that it?"
"You need to stop using the word "tranny"."
"What?! But that's what they are called, aren't they?"
"Yes and no. Our community goes back and forth with this. One side thinks it's ok to use the word while another wants to have a word of their own that they can call each other but outsiders can't. Like the n-word for blacks and the f-word for gays."
"Well, who knew? I suppose we can alert the staff that some find this offensive. What do we call 'em?"
" 'T-girls' will work," said Bianca as she started to head back out to the crowd of trannies t-girls with a large bag of what looked to be plastic containers. "OK, "t-girls" it is from now on. What's in the bag?"
"The third condition of the agreement," Bianca said. "Remember that Mary Kay party we had in our TGFriendFinder office a few months ago? We had a ton of gift bags leftover so when I told the girls about them they agreed to disperse upon payment of the makeup."
"You are a shrewd negotiator, Bianca."

OK, so to all you trannies, er, t-girls out there, we're sorry that the word, um, that word, you know, the t-word offends you and will, from this point forward try and not to say the word except where quoted by a tranny, er, a t-girl, which then makes its use acceptable (I think).

We will also attempt to be more sensitive when writing about t-girls and not describe them as "frightening" when, after taking two and a half hours to get dressed, apply makeup and afix a wig, what they might look like should they be drenched in a foamy blanket of wetness. We're not sure what the descriptive words should be--we assume "terrifying" and mortifying" are on the banned list, too, but will endeavor to come up with less harsh words in the future.

Also, we trust you'll enjoy the gift bags. May we suggest trying the Mary Kay® Full-Coverage Foundation to start with...

In a groundbreaking study to determine the effects transvestites have on the general public when they are not wearing their full makeup, wigs and other fashion accessories, a Las Vegas scientific research company ran a series in-depth experiments on children to gauge their reaction to "trans fems" in various states of being dressed as a female.

The company, ALL-Smart Research Institute, took photos of transvestites in three different levels of makeup: 1) "en femme", where the transvestite or cross dresser is in their full "going out" mode which included full makeup, wig, and jewelry; 2) "en homme" which is the state when they are in their male mode; and 3) also in the "en femme" mode but after they "girls" frolicked in the wet and sloppy surroundings of a so-called "foam party" which meant smeared and runny makeup and stringy wigs without body or shape.

The photos were then made into little doll heads and affixed to dolls with a standardized body type. "We didn't want the body to influence the young subjects," said Dr. Bernard Fuddle, lead scientist at ALL-Smart. "We only wanted the face and the different levels of makeup, hair preparedness and standardized minor amounts of jewelry to be part of the equation."

The dolls were then given to both male and female test subjects in the 2-to-3 year-old range and their reactions were recorded. Dr. Fuddle found that the children's reactions were overwhelming positive in the "going out" mode complete with smiling and laughter. "The children played with the dolls and wanted to keep them," said Fuddle.

The subjects reacted almost as positively when the dolls were prepared with the "en homme" state (i.e. their normal male appearance) as the children simply saw them as a male doll much like a Ken doll.

However, when the children were exposed to the "post-foam party" dolls bedlam ensued. "The subjects cried and screamed and almost universally threw the dolls across the room in a fit of fear," explained Fuddle. "A few of the children even went so far as to rip the heads off the dolls and pound them with the chair they were sitting on."

After analyzing the results, the conclusions were published in Tranny Today Magazine. "While we haven't yet repeated the tests on adult subjects," Dr. Fuddle wrote. "We can nevertheless surmise that transvestites and cross dressers should not participate in foam parties due to the undesirable effects of frightening the non-trans members of the event." The ALL-Smart Research Institute intends to follow up this landmark research at foam parties throughout the nation and submit a more comprehensive study upon completion.